The Big Z
by NordicRanger
Summary: A little parody I wrote for a review.


I do not own any books, movies, magazines, short stories, or television programs including but not limited to that which the following is based on.

In all honesty, Big O has a quite a few good ideas and themes, but they're executed badly, if they're even executed at all. Watching Big O is kinda like staring at a bag of cake mix while thinking about how nice it would be to be eating a cake.

Some person: I have a job for you(dramatic pause) Rodger Smith.

Rodger: Oh, really. You do?

Some person: Yes, Rodger Smith, (dramatic pause) I need you to investigate something seemingly insignificant that in reality has something to do with the big spooky conspiracy, but I'm sure the audience won't understand what the heck is going on because we certainly aren't going to explain any of it.(dramatic pause) Rodger Smith.

Rodger accepts the job off screen while the audience is shown images of Rodger and his car driving down the street.

Rodger(voiceover): Paradigm city, a city with no memories, a city without a past, and some say, a city without a future.(dramatic pause) Forty some odd years ago something happened, and everyone forgot everything. Memories are things that people remember or don't as the case may be, but could they be something more?

Audience: What the hell is he talking about? How is that in any way relevant to what's going on?

Dorothy: Rodger(dramatic pause) the script calls for me to say something that works well with our dynamic and presents the idea that our relationship might develop, the problem is that we have so little chemistry that I can't come up with anything. So I guess I will just insult your taste in clothes or perhaps call you a louse. Rodger Smith.

Rodger: Don't interrupt me now Dorothy, (dramatic pause) I was about to have a flashback to an earlier episode that was in no way similar to this one, so the audience will be even more confused.

After Rodger has his flash back Angel appears.

Angel: Well, hello, it's nice to see you again,(dramatic pause) Rodger Smith.

Rodger: Well, if it isn't my ally slash enemy slash love interest, Angel. Tell me why did you name yourself after a heavenly being with wings? Or better yet maybe you should think about throwing yourself at me.

Angel: Maybe latter. I just stopped by to imply that what your doing is meddling around in the big spooky conspiracy, and if you don't stop what your doing, or maybe if you don't continue what your doing, there might be consequences, such as, oh I don't know, just off the top of my head, releasing a giant robot.(dramatic pause) And doing that might be just what the bad guys want you to do, or maybe it isn't what they want you to do.

Rodger: You mean,(dramatic pause) the big spooky conspiracy (dramatic pause) the one that's been established for a long time and hasn't really gone anywhere.

Angel: The same. (dramatic pause) Rodger Smith.

Rodger: You know, Angel, you're the kind of person can't understand how we're all like used car salesmen.

Angel: (dramatic pause) What the hell are you talking about?

Rodger: (dramatic pause)

The three of them look around for a while.

Rodger(voiceover): The people who live in Paradigm city are like artificially grown tomatoes. The tomatoes are made with the DNA, or memories, of real tomatoes, and through the generations will fill in that part of the old DNA with their own, thus becoming real tomatoes, just as the people will make new lives and memories. Boy, that's a great analogy, I just hope the audience appreciates just how clever that is.

Audience: . . . Zzzzzzzz . . . Zzzzzzzz . . ., huh? Wha? I'm up, I'm up!

Suddenly, a giant robot starts rampaging through the city.

Audience: Finally, a giant robot. Good gracious there's only, what, two minutes left in the show.

Commissioner: All right, deploy the puny ineffective guns that never work and prepare to fire on my command.

The police do so.

Commissioner: Fire!

The puny ineffective guns are puny and have no effect.

Commissioner: Oh, no. Our puny and ineffective weapons are puny and ineffective, oh how could we have known.

Rodger: Oh no. (dramatic pause) It would appear that my meddling has released a giant robot, or maybe that was going to happen anyway, or, . . . uh . . .

Rodger looks at Dorothy imploringly. Dorothy shrugs in response.

Rodger(count.): . . . Well, I guess I'll call Big O.(dramatic pause) Big O (dramatic pause) show(dramatic pause) time.

Giant robot: I wonder what it is I'm supposed to be doing? Oh well, I'm sure the writers know what they're doing.

Rodger inside Big O appears on the scene. Some guy in a white suit smiles approvingly.

Rodger: I feel sorry for you. (dramatic pause) You're just being used by the kind of people who don't understand about umbrellas and virtual chess. Those people are our mutual enemy, but I must fight you instead. Hence why I must feel sorry.

Giant robot: What the hell are you talking about?

Rodger: Insert meaningful dialogue (dramatic pause as he pulls back his fist) HERE!

Rodger hits and destroys the robot.

Audience: What? That's it? That's the fight?

Latter.

Dorothy: You are a terrible blight upon all mankind, and dieing a thousand deaths at the hands of Attila the Hun is too good a fate for you. Rodger Smith.

Rodger: Ah, but R. Dorothy Wanewright, you're incapable of understanding why some people would prefer to eat cold soup or walk on their hands all day.

Dorothy: Well, I guess you've got me there.

Elsewhere.

Guy in the white suit: Today I am just a little bit closer to being able to do whatever it is I was planning to do. What am I planning, you ask. Well, you'll just have to find out with Rodger latter on in the series.

Audience: Pffft, like I'm going to sit through another millisecond of this boring show and listen to anymore drivel about umbrellas and tomatoes. Heck, you'll be lucky if you can even get me to sit through a commercial for Big O. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to do something I should have done twenty nine minutes ago, turn off the TV and read a book.

THE END.


End file.
